What Attachment Styles are and Why it Really Matters

Did you know that as individuals, we all have attachment styles? Yes, you have an attachment style that navigates how you communicate with yourself and others in relationships.

The formation of attachment styles started from childhood and concretized from then to adulthood. An attachment style is a basis on which you operate to have your needs as an individual meeting. Traumatic life experiences and especially neglect or inconstant responsiveness from caregivers play an important role in the formation and change of attachment styles.

Because it has been engraved in an individual from childhood, it quickly goes unnoticed or even denied. Through conscious self-awareness, one can recognize their patterns of avoidance and how it impacts their adult relationships.

It's essential to become aware of attachment pattern because it directly impacts the quality of your relationships and will decide how well they thrive or come to an end.

There are four main attachment styles: secure attachment, anxious preoccupied attachment, dismissive-avoidant attachment, and fearful-avoidant attachment.

As you continue reading this article, you will better understand each attachment and how knowing your attachment style will trace to your childhood and how it governs your relationships in your adulthood.

There are four attachment styles, and even with careful attention, you may get confused to recognize the one that best defines you.

Secure Attachment

This attachment style provides a secure and safe environment for a child to operate independently. This parent-child relationship is the root of solid children who grow into confident adults and have more satisfying relationships. This is so because the parent's influence has created a solid foundation. This directly impacts the romantic relationship with a partner as it naturally encourages security, confidence, connection, and freedom of movement.

Anxious Preoccupied Attachment

This attachment style is the complete opposite of secure attachment. An anxious preoccupied individual is more desperate and hungrier to fill an emotional void. These personal relationships are less reflective of genuine love towards their partner.

There is also always a need to be rescued by their partner. It is the belief that the partner completes them.

Anxious preoccupied individuals act much out of fear due to their persistent feelings of insecurity that harbors a feeling of being unsafe in the presence of their partner's feelings. They struggle with trusting their partner the entire relationship, and independent actions of the spouse quickly trigger this fear.

Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

These individuals tend to be distance themselves emotionally from their partners. They often act in a manner of parenting themselves (pseudo-independent).

Their need to be pseudo-independent is a mere façade and cover based on their parent-child relationship.

They can easily become emotionally unresponsive in all relationships without caring if it terminates the connection. The focus is on their comforts.

Fearful Avoidant Attachment

These individuals fear either being too close or distant in their relationships. They try to manage their feelings from being too distant or overwhelmingly close, but this effort often leaves them on an emotional rollercoaster.

Because of their fear of bonding in a relationship too much or too little, they often struggle with meeting their needs, thus leaving them in a tug and war in the relationship. They run to the partner when rejected and run from their partner when they feel too close.

Final Thoughts

The uncontrollable reality is that the relationship from an early age with your parent or caregiver shaped our attachment style unknowingly.

Knowing your attachment style will unlock the ways you have been emotionally restricting yourself throughout the years in your relationships.

It is necessary that you spend the time if you are not securely attached from childhood to develop it for yourself in your adulthood years to safeguard your romantic, family, and relationship that you ultimately pass on to your child and nurture a secure attachment for them to adapt.

Your attachment style doesn't define your life forever if you make intentional steps to stop it through professional therapy, reflection, and choosing a securely attached partner to challenge your defenses healthily and safely.

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